Tango class situation
I have recently signed up for tango classes. I used to dance a lot when I was younger but I haven’t done that in many years. So I finally got the courage to start again.
Trigger: Yesterday, after the class there was a milonga, so I stayed to practice. While I was sitting and watching people dance, a man who just came, set next to me and started asking me very personal questions, like if I’m married, if I have children, and saying that he is looking for a woman because he is divorced.
Automatic reaction: I felt extremely uncomfortable with this situation and I told him that those questions seem too personal to ask someone just like that. He apologized but then kept talking and asking and [destructive response:] I was just shutting down more and more hoping for him to leave. Finally, he left but I didn’t enjoy the party anymore and left as well. This episode reminded me why I stopped dancing. [Affect program:] In the past, almost always it would end up with situations like this, with me feeling trapped, while all I really wanted to do was to dance, with no second meaning to it. While I was on my way home I wished I would have simply told him that I just came to dance and not to search for a man and that I’m not enjoying his questions. I also wish I would have stood up and left to another table instead of letting him talk. [Post-condition:] As a result I was feeling sorry for myself that I would never be able to go back to dancing and enjoying myself, and I was also angry that men like him take away from me one of my life passions, by making it sleazy and kind of hunt-vs-save-yourself situation.
- 1 Reply
Thank you for sharing Aleksandra. Thank you for labelling too what’s going on. I’m starting to get it now. Also … I relate to the situation and reaction.
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